Last year was a tough year, thinking we were going to lose our home.  But we committed to the idea of thinking that 2012 would be a great year.  That we’d turn our lives around and get back on the right path.  And honestly 2012 has been a great year.  I got a better job (still not the best) and we are able to make ends meet.  We still owe some money to family, but all and all our debt (besides our home) is minimal.  We were able to save our home, our new mortgage agreement was finalized last month.  So, things are definitely looking up.

But as life goes, where there is joy, there often is sorrow.  And in the last month we were dealt two hard blows.  One being the offer of a child for us to adopt and then having the parents change their mind.  That is never easy.  Being a gay couple, you don’t get much sympathy from the heterosexual world.  Often they just look at you like you made the choice to be gay, so you have no right to desire a child.  So going through some of the pain we’ve been through with miscarriages and now thinking we were going to finally get a child, is a bit more painful when you have no support or compassion from others.  But, we still believe there was a reason the offer was presented to us.  And possibly it was just Gods way of telling us to not give up.  To keep our hearts open to lifes possibilities.  We are determined to keep a positive outlook.

The most hurtful news we received this year was concerning my life partners sister.  She was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer.  This was quite the shocker, because if you were to meet her sister, she looks like the picture of health.  A tiny petite little woman, but strong and full of life.  I still feel like I am in a fog, just thinking about it.  Actually, I try to not think about it.  I am a bit of a realist with a very hopeful and optimistic heart.  I want to believe that dreams come true and miracles happen.  We just got back from seeing her sister and I was a bit nervous, not knowing what to expect.  And I have to say, she looks the same as always.  She may have lost a couple of pounds, but still looks as healthy as can be.  She is such a sweet, cheerful person.  Full of life and always concerned about everyone but herself.  I love her as if she was MY sister.  I am blessed to have her in my life.

But we shall not give in to negative thoughts.  We will not listen to all the nay-sayers.  We know that the mind is the most powerful tool a person has and with her sister having such a great attitude, she has a great chance of survival.  This year is going to continue to be a great year.  We have lived a fuller life since moving to Texas, just living and not worrying so much.  We pray everyday and count our blessings, we don’t take life for granted like we did before.  We cherish our time with family and friends.  We’ve made not only changes in our lives on the financial end, but we’ve made changes in our outlook on life.  We still believe in our dreams, and will until we stop breathing I suppose;  we’re not quitters!

Today, we decided it is time to be serious about our health again.  We don’t want to get old and not be able to get around and enjoy life.  It’s funny because my life partner and I are still just kids at heart, and now we want our bodies to reflect how we feel on the inside.  So, it’s going to take great sacrifice, there will be pain involved for sure.  But we are going to start eating better, exercising and get our physical lives on track.  There is so much beauty in nature, so much to see and explore and we have to be able to physically motivate to enjoy it.  Plus, if God is to bless us with a child oneday or perhaps we do get to live on our ranch in the future, we are going to have to be fit to enjoy all of those blessings.

I stopped writing my blog, because my ego was wounded that people weren’t reading it.  Then I realized I write for myself.  And it helps me.  But if even one person was to read my blog and it helps them feel not so alone, then life is GOOD!


~ by destiny2b on June 9, 2012.

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