Changes in my world

If you have not walked in someone else’s shoes, then you shall not judge them.  I am amazed at how often in life, I hear people standing in judgement of someone elses decisions.  Who are they to judge?  If you are not the one experiencing the situation, how can you say how you would react?  I worked for Walmart for 14 years.  I gave my heart and soul to the job.  I cared for it and nurtured the company like it was my own.  I took ownership in it, and took it personally when someone would try to talk trash or screw Walmart over.  I was paid well, but life isn’t just about money or at least it shouldn’t be.  During my time with Walmart, my life partner and I were singled out by hateful, jealous managers who didn’t only like our lifestyle but were threatened by the attention and respect we received from higher-ups in the company.  They didn’t understand how people in our low positions could get so much respect.  They didn’t understand it was all about our integrity and our work ethic.  We were never the types to kiss ass or care how you felt about us on a personal level.  When we were clocked in, it was all about the job.  And our job was to make Walmart be as successful as possible.  Through my years with the company I sent in countless suggestions for ways to improve, and some of those ideas were actually implemented.  I am proud of what I accomplished with Walmart.  But, nonetheless I no longer work for them.  I have always been a “fighter” of sorts, I don’t back down, I am no ones doormat.  But when I transferred down to Texas, from Missouri.  It was all about healing myself and dealing with my past.  I was done fighting, I wanted peace and harmony in my life.  So, when I transferred down and was bombarded with ignorance, discrimination and hatred; it was more than I was willing to deal with.  And within 10 months of dealing with it, I quit working for the company that I had dedicated 14 years to, and my life partner did the same.  We could have went to the district manager, the regional or higher up.  But, it was about survival and for my mental well-being;  I had to leave.  Walmart denied my unemployment, they hide behind their big lawyers and allow bigots and hateful people to be in positions of authority.  They do nothing to protect the associates who are there working hard to make their company successful.  They allow their store managers free rein to do as they please, the last store I worked at you might see the store manager twice a week.  All the other time he was either golfing or doing charity events.  And most of the department managers and assistants walked around on their cell phones, without a care in the world to taking care of the customer or anything else.  The Walmart of today is not the Walmart that I started out with back in 1996.  And it’s a shame.  Because of their arrogance and non-caring attitude the company has lost many great and dedicated workers, and my partner and I just happen to be two of them.  I don’t regret leaving Walmart.  But, I do regret allowing them to mistreat me for so long before I left.  And I do think that I was owed the unemployment.  I don’t think big companies should be allowed to hide behind high-priced lawyers and I think people in position of authority should be checked on more thoroughly to make sure they are not becoming dictators.

After leaving Walmart, my partner and I drew out our 401K and embarked on owning our own business.  We had no clue as to what to do, but we had always wanted to own our own business.  I wanted my partner to start a photography business, because she says all the time how much she loves taking pictures.  She was scared to do so.  We had always talked about a bakery or something, but we didn’t have enough money.  I wanted to do a UPS store or a fitness center, something we knew something about, but ultimately it came down to lack of money and choices.  So, we bought into a company,, everything they told us, sounded so great.   It seemed so logical, so easy.  And we though it would give us a chance to make some money, and pursue our dreams.  Long story short, it was all just smoke and mirrors.  It was nothing like they portrayed it to be.  And right now we are fighting to save our home.  My partner and I both work two jobs.  I have one full-time, and one part-time and she has two part time jobs.  And still we aren’t making the money we made working at Walmart.  And if we lose our home, we have no money to get anything else.  We will be homeless.  We have no insurance, no savings.  We are poor, but not poor enough.  It frustrates me to know we paid into all those benefits for so many years, yet we don’t qualify for any assistance. If we lose our home, we will have to pay back the $8,000 for first time home buyers.  And I am scared to death of what our taxes are going to be like since we used our 401K to buy the business.  Our life is financially very rocky and very scary right now.

But life is about more than money.  Like I said without faith, I would not still be here.  I suffer from depression.  It is a disease, I choose to live a life without medication and I do my best to get through the ups and downs.  I have had boughs of suicidal thoughts.  I struggle to understand what my purpose in life is and why I am here.  I don’t understand why God has given me such a love for children and yet not allowed me the gift of being a parent.  I have such a thirst for knowledge and such a love for writing, yet without money or an education, I just struggle and get nowhere.  I want to live a simple life, on some land with some animals and my life partner and YES with a child (adopted would be fine) yet I can’t even pay my bills.  I wanted to be a successful business owner, to work for myself but I was misled by a money hungry shyster.  There is so much greed in the world, so much hatred I don’t understand it.  But, even as it seems so dark and hopeless I see reasons to be grateful.  I am loved.  I truly am loved despite all my quirks, and that is about the greatest gift one could receive.  And although I know there will be no justice in this world, that the rich and greedy will continue to stomp on the poor and righteous; I do know that when I stand before my Creator that I will stand with my head held high knowing that I loved all mankind, that I was a good and kind person and that I did not hate.  I will take my personal tragedies and I will learn and grow from them and become a better person for it.

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~ by destiny2b on December 15, 2011.

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