Choices

Today it is a beautiful day in Texas, we have been receiving some much needed rain.  I think rain is a beautiful thing, it tends to come along and cleanse the earth.  And with the recent breakouts of wildfires, rain is much needed.  Today is also a day of reflection for me.  I should be very happy I know,  I am mostly healthy and I have love and a roof over my head.  So, rightfully I don’t really have anything I should be complaining about.  And I’m not really complaining, I’m just feeling lost.   The day I quit Walmart after 14 years was the best day of my life.  It was about taking back the power over my life, about choosing life over money!  I was so tired of feeling like I was discriminated against because of my lifestyle and tired of putting life on hold because of the demands of the job.  So, it was a very symbolic moment in my life.  I don’t regret it for even a second.  And I may eventually write a book about my experiences in Walmart, believe me it’d be a best seller!  There is much that people don’t know.  When my mate and I decided to open our business, I was a little unsure of the choice that was being made.  But sometimes you just have to believe in something and let go of the control.  So, I did just that.  And it is amazing how it feels to just let go!  So, on blind faith we just opened our business and believed that it would all be great.  My biggest issue to overcome in life is that I do worry.  I worry about too many things.  It is something I am trying hard to overcome.  Because I do realize that your thoughts create your future, and by worrying I am bringing more worry into my life.  After we used our 401K to open the business and pay off our car, we just enjoyed living for a while and tried to contact clients and get the business going.  But time kept going by and there has been no “fruit to bear” from our efforts.  Then, I started to get worried.  My partner doesn’t always tell me what is going on, because knowing that I tend to worry.  But it didn’t matter because I knew realistically how long our money would last.  If we had made some changes, cut back on the phone, got rid of cable it would have lasted longer.  The thing is we read this book The Secret, and it honestly makes a lot of sense.  And the reason we didn’t cut back on some of the things we were doing was because it talks about you living the lifestyle you are trying to create.  Well, simply put we want to be millionaires and start a non-profit and help people, so if we just sit in our house worrying about money, then we wouldn’t be working towards creating that future.  Anyway time has gone by and we are still trying to get our business off the ground.  So as is the reality of life, as much as I don’t want it to be, money rules everything!  And the reality is we need money to survive.  When I quit Walmart, it was my goal to just run our business and to go to college.  I have wanted a college education all my life and it was one of the things I sacrificed for my parents and my job.  The reality is that college costs a lot and I don’t have the finances to even start.  My second goal was that besides the business I wanted a career that was something just for me, to have extra money and to feel accomplished in my life.  I have never been the type to consider their job as a part of their identity, I’ve always been more of a free spirit, a creative person, but I guess being in my thirties with no child, I just want something.  My ultimate goal is to be a published writer.  Well, although I have no college education I consider myself to be a quick learner and I get along very well with others.  So, I thought it wouldn’t be so hard to find a job that was not retail.  Because I really wanted to do something other than retail, as I have done it for about 17 years.  The harsh reality is that no one seems to want to give me a chance.  Being the economy is suffering and so many people are out of work, it seems there are too many other qualified people out there who are looking for work.  And I guess it is only fair that they would get the jobs they are qualified for.  My reality in life right now is that I did have to take two jobs in the retail industry to help with bringing the flow of money back into the home.  The two jobs together will almost cover my former income, but my partner is still unemployed.  I really want my mate to just focus on trying to get the business going, so I’m not really encouraging them to look for work.  I’m still looking for other work, because if I can find something that pays more it would be great!  I have gotten offers from Insurance companies, but they are commissioned based, the same as my business and I can’t really afford to do another commissioned based job.  This isn’t meant to be a “pity party” it’s just me reflecting on my choices in life and wondering if I am truly on the right path after all.  The only thing I do know for sure is that I had to get off the path I had been on, because there was no future there.  I do think although the road is bumpy, that I am on the right path.  Life was never promised to be easy, but it sure is interesting.  I try to take every experience in my life as a learning experience and I try to maintain a positive attitude through it all.  I am focusing on being creative and pursuing those dreams and working on getting healthy.  I embrace life and nature and count my blessings daily.   I am a spiritual person.  I have much to be thankful for, and I have faith that it will all work out.  I believe our business has a lot to offer, it’s just getting the exposure we need for people to realize we are here and what we offer to them!  To any who read this, your positive thoughts would be appreciated.  Thank you for being part of my journey!

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~ by destiny2b on June 23, 2011.

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