Day 1 of Healthy LIFE Journey

So, I am not the BEST at setting goals and sticking with them.  I tend to be the type of person who scatters my energy among several passions!  I am a lover of the Earth and of mankind, so I tend to be the type who wants to fight every cause, help every charity and be the VOICE for those who cannot speak for themselves.  I love children, as they are the FUTURE!  I’m sure my life-path is supposed to be something to do with mentoring or being head of a non-profit!  I do hope in time, as finances allow it, to be a foster parent and to be able to start a non-profit with my mate!  That is a LIFE GOAL!!  And one I am committed to, just need the finances to fall into place!  But, for those who know me, I have always struggled with my weight and that is what this post is about!  Today is day one, and I plan on posting everyday of my journey as it is therapeutic for me and hopefully serves as an inspiration for others.  About 9 years ago, my mate took the step with me and we bought ourselves 3 year memberships to 24 hr Fitness!  It’s a great gym, open 24 hours and has any class you could want to take!  Secretly my life goal at that time was to get a job there and be a fitness trainer!  And we were dedicated for about the first three months!  Then, well….. NOTHING!  We stopped going.  Because like many people, we got discouraged quickly!  So, for the next two years, we didn’t go!  Well, I say we didn’t go, but we probably went every few months making attempts at fitness, but not really taking it SERIOUS!  Then after a personal tragedy (a blighted ovum/miscarriage) I went into a downward spiral.  I started looking into my past, I became suicidal and depressed.  I went for weeks without showering, it just was very bad.  Went to the doctor, to have him prescribe me antidepressants and to tell me I needed to lose weight and have my thyroid checked.  I did have my thyroid checked, it was normal!  I was just FAT!  I took the antidepressants for about 3 months.  Then I told my mate, I didn’t want to take them anymore.  But, I knew I needed to do something to “heal” myself.  I weighed 315 lbs at this time in my life!  On a 5ft2″ frame, that isn’t healthy!  So, I started writing!!  I was always passionate about writing, and found it to be very therapeutic.  I wrote and copyrighted my first manuscript “Touches of a Life”.  As I was writing, I also started to work out at home, and dance (although badly).  I started using the stretch bands and doing Pilates, etc.  I was spending more time away from the TV.  Then my mate and I started going for walks in the park and EVENTUALLY started going back to 24 hr Fitness!  In 11 months, I went from 315lbs down to 147lbs!  And I did it all through portion control, exercise and mentally healing myself through writing!!  It was AMAZING!!  I found I had more energy then I knew what to do with and I was very confident in myself!  Even my balance improved!  I maintained the weight loss for two years!  Now, for the last four years, I have been gradually putting weight back on!  Why?  Well, I’m an emotionally driven person.  Hence, I am an emotional eater!  While I was cruising around on cloud 9, being so happy, I didn’t realize that all the behaviors and things I had done while being depressed and trying to have a baby, the charity work, everything for the past so many years, had caught up to us!  We had been living beyond our means!  We were using credit cards to pay credit cards, it was not a good situation!  We  were putting band-aids on a “broken water main”!  We had been in credit counseling, and I thought all was well, BUT it was too late!  I ended up filing bankruptcy and losing the house.  It was a rough time, but a time when you realize who your friends are and who loves you!  So, looking back it is a time I am thankful for, because I LEARNED from it.  But, then life happens, it seemed things kind of spiraled and it was hard to maintain a positive outlook!  I let worry, stress, fear rule my life and it just got so easy to make excuses for not going to the gym.  For not eating right,  it got easy to just sit in front of the TV and become a zombie!  I gave up on life!  Well, about 2 years ago now, I started on a new journey in life.  I got back in touch with my past and am trying to truly reconcile the past to make a brighter future.  If you allow your past to rule your life, it will and you will not have the bright future you are possible to have.  I read the books the Secret and the Power,  two of the best books I’ve ever read!  They helped me to see that I was in charge of my life, and I needed to accept responsibility for everything that happened or will happen.  Positive thinking brings about positive experiences in your life, negative thinking will bring about negative experiences.  So, it helped by empowering me to take control!  I was fully aware by moving back to Texas where so many traumatic events happened in my life,  that I was potentially setting myself up to become highly suicidal and depressed.  My doctor even warned me about going, because at the time I was being medicated for a nervous breakdown.  But I thought, unless I confront my “demons” I will never fully be in control of my life!  My mate was thrilled to be moving to a warmer climate and felt they too needed a “fresh start” in life.  So, we made the move.  It has had its ups and downs.  I have gained about 4olbs since moving to Texas!  Things and people aren’t always what they seem and the only person(s) you can truly rely on in life is yourself and of course God! So, I currently weigh about 225lbs.  I’ve been talking for a while, well the last 3 years about getting fit again!  But, although I’ve made a few attempts, I never stuck with it!  In life, I believe, you can’t really do anything unless YOU want to do it!  Until you are ready to be serious, it won’t happen.  So, no matter how much I talked about it, I wasn’t serious, I wasn’t ready!  I was mad as hell at myself, for allowing myself to gain the weight!  But, I wasn’t really ready to make the sacrifices it takes to get fit again.  My mate is very intuned to my moods.  And I am at the stage right now where I want to be invisible, I don’t want to be around people and I am moody as hell.  I am angry!!  So, this morning we got up (early) went to breakfast and my mate drove us to 24hr fitness!  I hadn’t really worked out consistently in the last 4 years.  I got on the elliptical (the one that uses your arms too) and set it to cardio and it came up 30 mins as the generic time, so I decided I was going to do the whole 30 minutes!!  At about 15 minutes I felt as if I might throw up!!  Well, I made it through the whole 30 minutes and I was filled with so much PRIDE for doing it!  My mate has promised me, that they will take me every single day to the gym!!  And I am more than HAPPY to do the WORK!!  The funny thing is once I do start exercising, I do become kind of addicted to it, the endorphins are like a drug and it feels so GOOD!!  So, today was day one!!  I am so very excited about this journey!  Goal is to eventually incorporate the 90 day makeover dvd’s into my exercise routine!  I thought doing those first would help me prepare to go to the gym, and I know everyone is different, but for me personally I FEED off of being around other people who are exercising too!!  I know many people who are unfit are hesitant to join a gym, because they are embarrassed.  From my own experience I can say, that EVERYONE who joins a gym is there to improve their health!  Skinny does not equal healthy anymore than Fat equals unhealthy!  Yes, being overweight isn’t healthy, but it doesn’t mean you are unable to do things or that perhaps you have high blood pressure or diabetes or high cholesterol.  People who go to the gym are there to improve themselves, so in that sense we are all bonded by the same goals!  It is a great environment to emerge yourself into.  I feel so much positive energy when I’m at the gym!  And yes, although I am self-employed I would still LOVE to work at 24hr Fitness!!  That’s it for now, today was a moral and physical victory!!  I am fighting the battle to healing myself emotionally and physically and I just took one HUGE step!!  And with my mates support I know I will succeed!  And I know I will gain a better appreciation and gratitude for my health this time around!  And will do my BEST to stay fit and healthy!!  It is my goal that by healing the mental, the emotional part of me, that they physical will come naturally!!

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~ by destiny2b on March 16, 2011.

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