Family Dynamics

Recently I was given the autopsy of my brother, which no matter how many crime dramas you watch, can you prepare yourself to read.  It provided some information that I NEEDED to know, but also created more questions that I will never have the answers to.  What it all comes down to is this,  he will always be my big brother and I will always LOVE him.  His legacy lives on in those whose lives he touched.  And he will be remembered in the book I am writing for him.  My brother wasn’t this crazy drug addict he was made out to be.  ALL his organs were donated and there were no drugs in his system.  Was he crazy?  Could be!  I was told he was a Schizophrenic,  I saw him have “fits” of sorts.  Did he kill himself? Most definitely!  Was he helped?  That is still questionable.  My family dynamics were far from the “Cleavers” of Leave it to Beaver.  There was a lot of violence, both physical and mental.  I am the baby of four.  My two oldest sisters were from a different father.  My oldest sister, she married young.  The second sister, she got pregnant at 16 years old and was put into a home for pregnant teens.  Then she got on drugs, had several babies (all taken from her) and supposedly she was a prostitute.  I don’t know if she’s still alive.  Last I heard, she lived in San Antonio.  I was never close to my sisters, I was my brothers shadow!!  We were 4 years apart, and he was my best friend!  We played cowboys and indians and with GI Joes and Star Wars figures and we even got the Barbie dolls involved!  That is what I will always remember!  We had great fun!  So, what makes a family?  Is it just that you are related by blood or is it something else?  I guess everyone sees it differently.  To me, family isn’t so much about what you are born into, but who you love!  And who loves you back!  It’s about being surrounded by people who support you and accept you for who you are!  To me, that is what family is all about.  When my brother died, I lost the only family I knew.  Sure, I still had my parents and my oldest sister, but my brother was MY family.  Years have gone by and for the last thirteen years I have been lucky enough to be part of my mate’s family and they have become MY family.  I know I am blessed because they accepted me and loved me for who I am.  I think acceptance is the greatest gift one can receive.  I didn’t understand when I was younger how important it was to just accept someone for who they are.  I was very judgemental in my younger years.  Ignorance is what I blame it on,  lack of life experience!  Until you’ve walked in someone’s shoes how can you understand?  It is not up to us to judge.  My brother,  I think he was searching for acceptance.  I hope he found it!

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~ by destiny2b on March 4, 2011.

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