Inspiration

I am feeling very inspired to get myself healthy again.  But my motives are much different fromwhat they have been in the past.  All my life, I have struggled with my weight and felt insecure and inadequate.  My mother belittled me and friends were embarrassed to know me.  I couldn’t wear the cute clothes and was not popular.  So, I’ve always felt my weight held me back.   Years went by my weight fluctuated up and down, based on my emotions.  I am an emotionally driven person in every way!  So, because of my upbringing being what it was, I associate food with “love”.  Well, a few years back I reached my heaviest weight of 315 lbs and it was a mixture of things.  I had tried and tried to have a baby, having miscarriages, taking crazy medications, etc.  The stress on my body and my relationship(s) was at the breaking point!  But, it wasn’t really for my health that I wanted to get fit at that point in my life.  I was trying to deal with my past and started writing.  And the more I wrote, the more I started to gradually exercise and time went by and I went from 315lbs, down to 147lbs in 11 months.  It was actually pretty easy.  Just exercise and portion control.  I danced (although badly) alot and listened to more music than watching TV and I wrote!  But, what started it all really to be honest, was pure competitiveness!  In my heart, I am an extremely competitive person.  I am an ARIES,  so I try to keep that “under wraps” because I can also have a very fiery temper to go along with the competitive nature.  And at the time, my life partner and I had 3 very skinny friends who thought they were “all that”…. and thought because of my weight that I was not capable of doing anything!  Well…. long story short, being skinny does not equate to being FIT!  So, I definitely proved my point back then!  But, the past four years have had some  ups and downs, the emotional roller coaster has taken a toll!  Now, I currently weigh 220lbs!  Yep, I know… women aren’t supposed to be honest about their weight.  But, then how would I be helping people or MYSELF if I lied about it.  So, I’ve spent the last few years “bit…..” about my weight, being mad at my mate because she “allowed” it (it’s not HER fault) and all that has accomplished nothing!  And I’ve realized, that losing weight to prove a point to someone else, isn’t good enough!  I have to want to do this for the RIGHT reasons!  So, what are those reasons?  Most people would say your health, for me, that’s not it!  Even at my heaviest, my cholesterol, blood pressure, etc was better than my group of friends and my mate!  And some of the “healthiest” people in the world, die for no apparent reason!  There are no guarantees in life, so you should live every moment as if it’s your last and ENJOY!!  So, what is going to motivate me to get healthy?  Vanity??  Well, I have to admit,  almost my whole life I have wanted a nice pair of True Religion jeans, a duster jacket and cowboy boots and hat!!  And that is a pretty good reason!  Most people would never think it looking at me and the way I dress,  but I am a true DIVA when it comes to fashion!  It is only because of my weight and financial means that things are what they are!!  So, as good as that sounds, it is not the reason!  I am currently very inspired by a “friend” who has become a runner!  I say “friend” because I haven’t met this friend, just only on Facebook.  But, she is inspiring!  And it got me to thinking about how many charities raise money just through people participating in runs, walks, marathons, etc.  And I thought to myself, how much my mate and I love to do charitable activities, but we usually don’t have extra cash just sitting around.  So, my inspiration is to be able to “give back”!  And my goal is for my mate and I to be able to participate in the Avon 3 day walk (60 miles) next year and do a few run/walks for charity!  It’s the perfect motivation, doing for others!  And yes, by taking that goal seriously, we will benefit by being healthy and full of energy!  I remember when I weighed 147lbs, I had more energy than I knew what to do with, I was full of life and felt invincible!!  I have been overweight my whole life (almost,  since age 12) except the three years I weighed 147lbs.  And I will always have “extra” skin and stretch marks.  They are my “battle” scars and I am okay with that!  I’m not worried about living my life to impress people!  I’m a kind of “take it or leave it” person!  Monday, we will start back on the 90 day fitness routine (it was sidelined by “mother nature”).  That is another point, when I was fit, I didn’t have cramps or anything!  Period, what??  It didn’t faze me!  So, I am looking forward to getting back on track for REAL this time!  No more, “talking” it is time for ACTION!!  I have all the equipment I need…. but I do truly wish with all my being that Santa Clause would bring me a Tread- Climber and a Spin Bike and the shoes to go with it!!  I took Spin Class one time when I was about really exercising daily and I was instantly HOOKED!  Just it didn’t work out with my work schedule to get back… so it’s a new year, a new life!!  Anything you want in life, can be yours, if you BELIEVE!

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~ by destiny2b on February 27, 2011.

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